For A Kindergardener

Today, my boyfriends 6 year old son was started on Vyvanse. His father has been fighting the medicating of his son in court; we are now court ordered to give the med. This bright, energetic boy is perfect as he is: behaviors are mainly while with Mom, which is 80% of his time. I am heart sick as I read about the dangers, side effect and anger caused by this med. I come to this with some knowledge. I have a 24 year old daughter who was diagnosed as ADHD and took Ritalin for about 10 years. I regret that decision; she and I both hated the med, and used it only for school hours. The primary side effects for that were primarily loss of appetite. She did take Adderall for 1 week; and my beautiful daughter had horrible rage alternating with episodes of weeping. Now here I am years later; with my own lessons learned, in a situation where I have no control of the situation at all.
Vyvanse didn't exist when my daughter was in school. It seems like a dangerous med....

I love this little boy and am scared for him.. Ironically, she gave his first dose today, as we prepare to have him for the weekend.

Court ordered or not, we may just refuse to give it.

Thoughts, prayers or ideas welcome. I want to pursue the idea of behavior modification programs. Does anyone have experience with those?

I don't question that some people need this medication...I just question it as a first choice for a child who is barely 6.

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Hi Lori,

I think it's interesting how people have come to assume that all hyperactive children have something inherently wrong with them, when in fact they are just being themselves, doing what most children do. In actuality, many adults have forgotten how to be child-like in their attitudes and think that everything has to be so serious all the time. That's just my personal take on the whole ADD/ADHD pandemic.

If it we're me, I would opt for a more natural approach. Perhaps cutting out all refined sugars and processed ingredients, and turning to fruits and vegetables for their nutritional needs. I think diet and exercise have a significant impact on the aggressiveness of any child's behavior. So if it's at all possible, that's where I'd suggest starting before even thinking twice about prescription meds for someone so young.

My thoughts and prayers go out to you and this situation. :) Just know that the best will happen. I hope this helps!

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Thank you. I appreciate your input. I agree that hyperactivity is really, at least in this case, a child just being a child. I think your thoughts on diet change are good ones.

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I have to agree with you on this. I was given Ritalin, adderal, and provigel for MS fatigue and didn't like the side affects of any of them and don't use them. Almost all the studies I have seen state that these drugs are being over used by Dr. as an easy way to get kids under "control". I would not be comfortable with a child of mine being medicated at that young age for what is probably just normal acting out. I would continue to support his Dad in trying to find a Dr. to tell the court that a six year old should not be drugged before all other methods have been tried. I think it is horrible what the drug companies are doing to our kids to make money.

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Thanks for the encouragement. I agree that this really is mainly about the doctors and drug companies making money. There is also a perception among teachers that it will make their job easier. I appreciate you sharing your experience.

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Lori-

I appreciate your love and thus reluctance to give the child a psychoactive drug. This is indeed a very valuable concern!

BUT :) if i may, I would like to play devil's advocate for a moment, and offer the counter-view. I am in no way saying you're doing the wrong thing with whatever you decide, but I want to offer the perspective from someone who was an ADHD child.

Being a kid with ADHD is a living hell. I completely agree that there is a certain level of hyperactivity that comes with simply being a child, but that's a physical manifestation that is easy dismiss. It seems all too often the physiological manifestations don't receive equal consideration.

As a parent, I am sure you already know kids will fight routine and rules, but they secretly crave and even flourish with routine and boundaries. This is because as a child gains awareness of themselves and their surroundings, the begin encountering new ideas that process to become a part of themselves as their minds are developing. They look to their caregivers to help them define these new ideas and to help them manage them; they're children... they might not inherently understand why swearing isn't okay but following the rules of not swearing will give them an easier time interacting with adults, etc. I wholly believe all children, at least on a subconscious level, understand their emotional and social intelligence isn't on the level of adults and will follow the rules because it furthers their desire to be seen as an equal person in their social interactions and be seen as a "big kid", a level of respect and accomplishment that can very rewarding. Again, I completely agree that kids are kids; a certain degree of trial and error is expected on their part, and they must face success or failure on their own terms, which sometimes leads to temper tantrums and acting out.

Now, here's the really lousy part for both you and the child.

Could you imagine a working environment where each time you went to work, the rules had changed? Whereas it was okay to act a certain way, the next day this behavior was categorically rejected. The rules are just never consistent, and when you just think you've figured the boundaries out, they seem to change overnight. E.g. you go to work late on Monday, and your boss tells you this isn't okay. For a properly functioning brain, logic will tell you that being late isn't okay. For a child with ADHD, they may focus more on that it was Monday, and it's going to work late on Monday that is the problem, and that coming in late other days is still acceptable. This is because they lack the process to reason and understand the nuance of why tardiness isn't okay... they will follow the rules to the best of their ability but since they can't truly understand why a behavior isn't okay, it can be A LOT more trial and error and consequences than is really necessary. Again, swearing is a good example... ever tried to explain to a child that a colorful word here and there when talking to your friend is okay, but not ever is it okay with authority figures, like a boss. This is a very complicated nuance for a child, and most becomes adults that understand it, but again, only after a lot of trial, error, success, and mostly failures.

Now imagine a life where EVERY nuance, rule, and boundary is like that. It seems like it changes all the time for the stupidest, silliest reasons that don't even seem relevant. Imagine a life where you can't focus and really process an idea to it's "completion" and instead just blindly follow rules and criticisms, not ever actually understanding why the behavior isn't okay. It's just a matter of time before the rule or boundary is incorrectly applied to a different situation and there is another failure, and another, and another. It's entirely too much trial and error, and failures, that will frustrate and close off the child.

That is what happened to me. I was a hyperactive little thing, indeed a completely normal child behavior, but what my parents couldn't see was the emotional hell I was experiencing. I couldn't ever focus on what they were trying to explain to me, and no matter how badly I wanted to be a "big kid" and earn respect like an human, adult or child, would like, I just never could. I lost a lot of self confidence and I would get so frustrated with my self because no matter how many failures I had, I just couldn't ever seem to get it "right". I wanted so badly to succeed and be the person I felt like I could be or should be, but I just NEVER seemed to get it right. As a child, I blamed my parents because it always seemed like they were changing the rules or lying to me or something because no matter what, the correct thing I did in situation A was suddenly the incorrect thing situation B. As an adult who is now properly treated, I can see in retrospect that the problem was that I spent all my time in a fog of ADHD. I couldn't ever grasp some concepts because I couldn't focus on it long enough to truly understand it. I was also completely incapable of processing something on an emotional and logical level; my brain simply didn't work that way.

This caused me to grow to be an adult with almost no emotional intelligence. I would lie and hide things from people, not because I didn't care or love them, I was always so sure I did, and I truly did, but I had also come to accept that it was just easier for me to not tell them about things I had done, because I had no idea what they were thinking or how the felt; empathy, a learned behavior, was something I never learned.

I guess what I am ultimately saying is you are now in the very vague, ambiguous situation of trying to do what's best for the little guy when he isn't old enough to really express his underlying problem. Please take all options, including medication, into consideration when you move forward helping him develop. I know not putting drugs into a kid ISN'T the right thing to so, but there are also exceptions to every rule... there is always the lesser of two evils... and finally, my favorite; there is always a third option that isn't anything like option 1 or option 2.

Find a medical professional that will take everything into account and explore options that make sense and that are comfortable for you and mostly importantly, the child.

I understand the desire to do whats best, truly, but you seem to be fixated on not giving the child the med against court order. Maybe the beat option is to tell the judge you have explored other ideas and I am sure they will be open to well thought out options and ideas instead of direct disobedience under the guise of being mom of the year. The most important thing here is the child's development, NOW is when they are developing important life skills that will be needed for the rest of their lives, and sadly, some of them cannot be learned later, and may put the child at a social and emotional deficit for the rest of their lives. And for what? So you can make a big stand against the evil drug companies and their evil agenda? Even if it'd true, it does not categorically reject medication as a valid option, you gotta go with what works for the child and not some over exaggerated defense motivation.

I wish to heck my parents had considered medication, I would have probably done much better in school and interactions with my peers, but sadly they were just as self obsessed with the idea "oh he's just a kid". I was just a kid, but I was also a human being that was miserable because I was different in almost all ways I processed things... when you're 6, people say that's just being 6, and to a degree, they are correct, but when you're 26 and still acting that way, people say thats you being a jerk and a loser.

Again, whatever you decide, treatment or not, medication or not, always remember discounting the behavior as the child just being a child is the easy way out for YOU not THE CHILD. Sadly, it may take several different doctors to find one who will not take the easy way out for themselves either by skipping right to drugs, but eventually you may have to accept it is the best way to go, all things considered.

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