Pristiq Cold Turkey Adderall Xanax
UpdatedThe men and women of the US, Coalition and NATO forces engaged in military operations and civilian affairs around the world are my heroes - with that said, there are also folks that operate behind the scenes supporting our country's heroes. These folks, are Civilians. I supported US and Coalition forces in a civilian capacity through 6 consecutive civilian deployments to Iraq during Operation Iraqi Freedom and Operation New Dawn. I also supported US and NATO forces in a civilian capacity through 4 consecutive deployments to Afghanistan during Operation Enduring Freedom. We don't hear much about the civilians, and as one of those civilians, I can tell you first hand that the mental, emotional and physical suffering and injuries go mostly unreported. Making matters worse, most of us (civilians) return home with serious emotional, mental and physical conditions we are solely responsible for resolving on our own without guidance nor direction from the military. There is no Tri-Care or VA for us, we're on our own.
I made it through my first civilian deployment at the end of 2004 and went home on leave for two weeks with my family. During my time home, my family noticed significant emotional and mental changes, but as a husband and father, I kept my experiences to myself; and two weeks later I returned to Iraq for my second civilian deployment.
I returned home during my second civilian deployment in 2005, the emotional and mental changes worsened after I was physically injured during an ambush traveling with US forces; as a husband and father, I kept the experiences to myself. As the provider for my family, I kept the physical injuries to myself as well. Out to dinner one night however, a waitress dropped a glass that shattered on the floor and I reacted as though I was in Iraq waiting for, "Big Voice".
2006, 2007 and 2008 saw civilian deployments 3, 4 and 5. After some advice from a colleague, I spoke with my primary care physician about serious emotional and mental concerns I had. I had become numb, disconnected from myself, paranoid, anxious and stressed beyond comprehension after 5 straight years of 84hr work weeks in an active war zone. PCP said that severe PTSD was a given, but since I continue to return to these environments, medication would probably be my only option considering I could not commit to a serious PTSD program. My PCP then referred me to another office for psychiatric evaluation, PTSD Assessment and medication.
I passed the evaluation and PTSD assessment with flying colors, which I thought I was awesome - even though deep down, despite answering honestly, I knew I wasn't okay. I was prescribed 50mg of Pristiq, .5mg Xanax twice per day and 10mg of Adderall XR once per day for focus, and it did help with the long hours, Pristiq side effects and Xanax fogginess. I really didn't understand the medications, their purpose, etc.
In December 2009, I returned home from Iraq completing my 6th civilian deployment. From 2004-2009 I'd been blown up, banged up, shrapnel scars, broken bones, burnt/stressed out, emotionally stunted and mentally I had become another person. I spent time with family before leaving on my next civilian deployment to Afghanistan, and the doctor increased my medication to 100mg of Pristiq, 2mg Xanax (.5mg four times per day) and 40mg of Adderall XR @ (1)20mg morning (1)20mg afternoon.
In 2010 I returned home during leave from Afghanistan, same procedure. Spend time with family, visit the doctors. Medication increased again; 150mg of Pristiq, 3mg of Xanax (1mg @ three times per day), 40mg Adderall XR @ (1)20mg morning (1)20mg afternoon, and 10mg Adderall IR at wake up.
In 2011 I returned home during leave from Afghanistan, same procedure. Spend time with family, visit the doctors. Medication increased again; 150mg of Pristiq, 4mg of Xanax (1mg @ four times per day), 40mg Adderall XR (1)20mg morning (1)20mg afternoon, 20mg Adderall IR (10mg @ wake up and 10mg if needed).
In 2012 I returned home during leave from Afghanistan, same procedure. Spend time with family, visit the doctors. Medication unchanged; 150mg of Pristiq, 4mg of Xanax (1mg @ four times per day), 40mg Adderall XR (1)20mg morning (1)20mg afternoon, 20mg Adderall IR (10mg @ wake up and 10mg if needed throughout the day).
In 2013 I returned home during leave from Afghanistan, same procedure. Spend time with family, visit the doctors. Medication increased 150mg of Pristiq, 5mg of Xanax (1mg @ five times per day), 40mg Adderall XR (1)20mg morning (1)20mg afternoon, 30mg Adderall IR (10mg @ wake up and 20mg if needed throughout the day).
January 2014, I returned home from Afghanistan for good. I was not going back to Afghanistan or any other area of conflict. I also no longer had health insurance - my plan was to take a year off, decompress and acclimate back into society. Ten years in active war zones, I had no idea what to expect. Late January, I went to refill my prescriptions (knowing I would be paying out of pocket) and I was completely and utterly shocked. Pristiq = $287.00mo, Adderall XR = $800.00mo, Adderall IR = $300mo, Xanax = $192mo. TOTAL = $1,579.00 every month.
I had a serious problem to deal with, every day; 150mg Pristiq XR, 40mg Adderall XR, 30mg Adderall IR, 5mg Xanax - and I was no longer working, I didn't need to take these medications or did I? What exactly was the reason I was prescribed them again?
So in January 2014, I stopped Adderall XR and Adderall IR cold turkey with relative, well somewhat, ease. I was extremely exhausted for weeks, my focus was nonexistent and the Pristiq and Xanax were turning me into a sleeping blob of not-wanna-do-anything. I slept 14+ hours per day, and when I was awake I consumed everything, everything, everything I missed eating the last 10 years. Through prayer, exercise and the support of my wife - I kicked Adderall.
In April 2014, I ran out of Xanax and decided to quit that cold turkey - big mistake going from 5mg per day to 0mg per day. I turned into a zombie, my face felt like it was going to explode, my hair hurt, my eyes felt they were so wide open I was in a constant state of surprise, I didn't sleep for 2 days and then when I did it was for 10 minutes, I hated my wall, the television, the sun and clouds, everything - it was hell, hell I still cannot put into words to effectively communicate the pain. So, went back on half the dosage and did some reading and planned to ween off down to 1mg. I then went back to my normal dosage and reduced it by .5mg every two weeks until I was down to 1mg and then dropped it cold turkey - it was 9 days of pure hell that nothing could help with except, time. After 9 days I started to slowly feel some 'normal' and I continue that slow return to this day as my brain continues to adjust to making the chemicals Xanax so quickly provided. Through prayer, exercise and the support of my wife - I kicked Xanax.
I also had started reducing my Pristiq dosage by 50mg every other month or so and in April 2015 (yep, last month) I was down to 50mg. April 30th, 2015 - I took my last 50mg Pristiq. I read every post on this forum about Pristiq withdrawal, and I'm ready. The brain zaps are phasing in, I'm snapping a bit and with the help of these forums, I know what is coming or possibly coming. Through prayer, exercise and the support of my wife - I WILL KICK PRISTIQ.
For some folks, these medications work miracles. I didn't do right by myself, and read up on what I was putting into my body and the emotional, mental and physiological changes these medications would have within me. What I do know, is these medications served a purpose at the time - or do I? Ten years ago, I stepped onto a chartered plane from Ft. Bliss, TX to Kuwait and then into Iraq - I think that is the last time the person I remember being existed. We are meant to grow emotionally, and of course physically, in our lives through our experiences, our pain, our happiness, our mistakes. Part of me believes these medications kept me sane in a world of misery, chaos, pain and death. Another part of me believes if that is so, did they really keep me sane or did they prevent me from experiencing the world, and my environments and subsequently growing, from that misery, chaos, pain and death.
Day 4, Pristiq free - Brain Zaps and electric pulses every now and then, usually following quick movements. Still hungry, still sleeping well at night. God help me through today and thank you for my wife and her unconditional support for me.
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