I have taken alprazolam 1-2 mg for anxiety issues for years. I recently lost both my parents within 2 years,(dad 2/2013 esophageal cancer, mom 4/2015 damage to colon from radiation she received 10 years ago to beat uterine cancer. if you ask me, whatever they put on the death certificate (actual cause was heart attack) she passed of a broken heart, she and my dad were married 49 years). She passed the day she was to be coming home, she had been in a nursing home to gain strength after being in the hospital and life support to remove part of her colon, something they didn't want to do but became a necessity. I was caretaker for both of them, my siblings were no help at all .. one on one coast, the other on the other coast and we are in the middle of the U.S. ( including calls, cards, anything to show they cared and let her know she was loved, she would have and did do anything for them while we were growing up, dad too, and this is what she got in the end) and now won't communicate with me (my fault it seems..according to them. luckily the rest of my family saw what was going on, saw the help and sacrifices i made and were always there for me, but we are not a family made of money, they came to visit, called, sent cards almost daily, and would send 50-100 when they could, but that was all they could afford, and i didn't expect them to help... it should have been her other 2 kids... so to say they were as upset with them as i was is an understatement. So to say my anxiety level has gone up is an understatement -- a huge one. I was working on my masters, 10 hours to go but had to drop because it was too overwhelming while taking care of my mom towards the end. even while in the hospital or nursing home, i was still caring for her house (we lived only a few miles apart but i did end up moving in with her, and then moved back into the house i was in anyway as my landlord's husband passed of similar problems and she was very understanding in letting me take the time i needed knowing i had no help. i moved necessities and the rest as i could..... I am also a single mom to a 6 year old boy (the love of my life) who loved his grandparents and misses them so much (i have him in therapy so he is dealing with it .. or to make sure he is) and the car that i paid all expenses for but was in my mom's name because i could not care for her AND hold down a paying job so could not get financed, my brother (I was POW he was executor) had surrendered. my mom sold her car knowing she would never be able to drive again, so the car in her name that i paid for was for OUR use.
My mom was in the middle of changing her will as she was noticing these changes with my siblings and wanted to make sure that with the sacrifices i had made (which i would do again no complaints) i would be taken care of, at least until i could get employment. She never in million years thought they would treat me as they have, she was just wanting to make sure i had enough to take care of myself and her grandson while she realized i would get no help from them after she passed, and my brother is a professor and my sister does not need to work, her husband makes good money. She just wanted to make sure things were more specific so I wasn't left with nothing while trying to pick up the pieces and get back to work, etc. She passed after the one life insurance was cancelled and a few days before the new one went into effect. (she passed the day she was to come home, she was in a nursing home trying to gain strength after losing 100 lbs in 7 months). She was not trying to take them out of the will, but just make adjustments as she knew they were financially able to care for themselves and I was broke with all my funds going to help her (again, no complaints, would have done it all over again). have no car, can't get a car without a job,can't get a job without a car. my brother made sure the car was surrendered within 2 days of her death, didn't even have a death certificate but had help from the nursing home for the proof they needed. the financing company, who dealt with me from the purchase of the car on, would no longer speak with me. So i have a 6 year old in first grade, trying to find a job (Thank God my landlord, while not happy about it, is working with me...s he does expect something each month but realizes i can't pay entire rent... and will expect back rent and late fees once i do find a job). My siblings came for the funeral, didn't let me have a say in how any of it went (my relatives made some same comments i made and made sure that some things important to my mom were included that they wanted left out) they spent a day after the funeral going thru her house. i had taken down some things of value for us to go thru ... some things they wanted my brother to have being the only and last of our bloodline, but other than that, she wanted us to go thru and decide what we wanted like we did with our grandparents. if we all chose or some chose the same things, draw straws or choose a number and have someone else pick a paper from a hat and whatever the number was, that is who got it. it worked fine with other family members. i pulled out things line my dad's stuff (he was military and didn't keep much, but what he did keep was from military or had special sentimental meaning) and my mom's valuables for us to go thru.
I had my ex there and his wife... and a video, which they didn't know about. they took all valuables, rushed to car, never told me, and said good bye and left. even after asking if they saw any items (never mentioned what they were) but they played dumb not realizing i knew. once i mentioned one item, my brother confessed to taking one because he was the one that bout it for my mom and thought he should have it. i told him that it would have been fine, but we all should have been a part of it, and all of what was in basket, not just the one item he took, and my dad's entire "treasure chest" was gone ..... at that point they stopped all communication with me. i know, i can get a lawyer, they took and went across state line, i could cause real problems. i didn't do so for two reasons. i need to move on and am having a hard enough time in doing so ... dragging this thru the courts would only make that harder .... plus it would drag my parents name thru the mud, and i was not willing to do that. so my siblings have nothing to do with me. i have their urns, my aunt got me a thumbie of each of them which i never take off, and after my dad passed, my mom had her engagement ring and wedding ring separated, my dad's ring in the middle, the stone moved, and sautered together that way and she never took it off. I took that off her when she passed and gave it to a friend to hold until after they left. as i suspected, they were asking for that ring, and tearing up the house looking for it. after they left, i put the ring on and except for going to public pools, i havent taken that ring or the necklace with the thumbies on it off. they left .... left me to deal with what i could keep (financially, unfortunately, not a lot) what to donate, what to sell, 2 garage sales/estate sales.... packing up the entire house as i was paying rent for 2 houses and her rent was twice mine so just being realistic, i had to move back to the house i was still trying to move out of. It was all boxed up, just not completed moving boxes. i have a storage unit, i pay for it. i get no help from them at all, financial, emotional, or physical. my sister rented a uhaul and let the entire family know of it, then days later cancelled it. the entire family is civil to them if they are contacted, but don't go out of their way to contact them, but remain civil to them out of respect for my parents. I try to do the same, especially since my brother has no kids but my sister has 2 sons and i hope at some point she will allow them to meet and be cousins/friends. (they are now 9 and 11 and she has not let me near them since the 11 yr old was 6 months old. this really bothered my parents, she changed when she married her husband, but just told me to let it go, and luckily my son has not first cousins, but other cousins within a few hours driving time, grandsons of my moms cousins (my cousins too) and best friends, grew up together. My brother won't communicate with me at all but i sent him a letter letting him know that he can ignore me all he wants, but he has a nephew that loves him and is innocent with all of this, so when it comes to bday and xmas a card or phone call would be nice, i will keep out of it.... but do it for him... we shall see.
Sorry, i am babbling, but as you can see, i am overwhelmed with anxiety. i have panic attacks, can't eat, can't sleep, worry constantly. I see a doctor monthly for a swollen optic nerve that all bad stuff was ruled out but medication is needed to keep it from putting pressure on my brain (and i asked, stress has nothing to do with it). I did make an appointment with a psychiatrist but being a new patient, it takes months to get thru ... after that it will be weekly or monthly visits. I realize i need something for anxiety, but i may also need an antidepressent at this point, even if temporarily... i do realize this is cycle of life, part of it, and i will have to go through it, but we all grieve in our own timeline. The xanax my neuro opthomologist gave me aren't working anymore. they did fine for the 2 + years i was helping my dad, mom, and son and working on masters..... so i don't think i got a tolerance to it ...although i realize that can be it. I think my stress level just raised, so my base line is higher than what it was.. considering all that has gone on since my mom's death this past spring. I took alprazolam 2 mg (thinking bars, i can break up and take .5 or 1 mg as needed while waiting to get into the psychiatrist). i did go to my PCP but he gave me an antihistamine that causes drowsiness (that didn't) and said it was all he could do. He was no help. I do plan to change, but not until after i see the psychiatrist first ...with my luck they would make me find another one, referral from the new PCP and i need this taken care of ASAP as i am looking for a job, and it is getting harder and harder to hide the anxiety. It is also harder and harder to find an available car to borrow (i am saving what money family sends me, willing to get a clunker cash only car, anything that will get me from home to work and work to home, son to school and pick up from daycare...i can always upgrade as i save more and get back on my feet. I know i can do this, but i need to get something going ASAP. waiting lists for everything i have thought of...housing, help in getting cars...... help in paying utilities...... daycare....... i do have snap, so we can eat at least without worry!!. ANYWAY sorry, i get on this topic and it gets my blood boiling and i have a hard time stopping.... i babble and talk more than i should.
My eye dr that was giving me xanax said he would give me one more month, but the DEA is watching him as that is not something his profession usually prescribes. I had already made an appointment with psychiatrist, but it isn't until December. By then, if i don't get to where i can function, i will be homeless..... i have too much worry and feel if i had meds that would help, it would calm me down and help me in my job search / car search and get me going. Extended release xanax wouldn't help me when having an anxiety attack, so I tried Valium, 10mg. It was not really valium or my stress level baseline has gone up, it did nothing... no help at all. I have tried the natural things as well, and do not drink caffeine. I took alprazolam 2 mg thinking i could break them up if i didn't need the entire 2 mgs. The pills are white and have no markings on them, they say ALMEE-2 AND ALPRAZOLAM on the back of the bubble packing it came in. I am trying to find out if they are just fake or extended release. I explained that i needed immediate release and was assured it was immediate release, but i take them and can sleep, but they don't take the anxiety away. I am just trying to find out if they are extended release instead or immediate release.... Does anybody have any info that can help me? I can take .25, .5, .50 1 mg or 1 mg.... i can double up or split up the pills, but it needs to be immediate release. Any help or information would be greatly appreciated. I am sorry for the long message, but i wanted the stress and anxiety i have been dealing with to be understood.
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