Okay. So I have been on Suboxone for about a year and I am just fed up. In my opinion (and I'm sure many others) my doctor is doing it for the money and is not very well read. I have been stuck at 8 mg. sometimes I drop down to 7 but it varies. I have an incredibly fast metabolism. I can't break 100 lbs, I eat constantly, and I'm 22. I go into withdrawal very fast. I have gone through w/d plenty of times. The worst was the last time, when I kicked my opiate habit cold turkey in detox. I refused meds and just went through the motions. It was horrible but over fast. When I have kicked Suboxone, I tend to feel better after three days. But that's just me. I usually get all the normal w/d symptoms with insomnia and rls being the worst. This time is different though. I'm going on day four and I'm having very minimal symptoms. I had very bad muscle cramps on day two that left me unable to walk, some chills, some restlessness, very bad shaking all over, but nothing compared to anything I have been through. I'm not sure why I've been spared up to this point. I'm feeling better actually. Why? The only difference between this time and every other was my method of use. This is hard to admit, but I have been plugging my strips instead of taking them orally. One because it worked better for me and two I couldn't stand the taste it made me wanna gag. Because my metabolism is so fast, I had to take it multiple times a day, which makes it worse. I want to know if anyone has ever experienced this before? If so please share. Thanks.
Yeah so I was pretty wrong. I guess I just hoped that maybe this time it might be easy. Who am I kidding? I jumped from an 8mg dose once daily to nothing. I was stupid about this. But I was out of time. This was the last chance I had her off the stuff. I didn't tell my doctor what I was doing so I guess he is in for a shock in a couple says. It is day ten for me. And I'm proud of myself. Yes, I have been hospitalized twice during this because of a problem I have been having with. I stocked up in every "detox med" before I started it, and even so it hasn't had the effects I hoped for. Most people will not recommend what I did (jumping from 8mg. Self medicating) but I just couldn't do it anymore. But guess what. I survived. I cried. I panicked. I rushed to the hospital. Just sitting still i sweat through the shirt I had. No matter how much I tried to warm up I stay cold for days. In fact this is the first day I have taken the hoodies off. I was even sleeping in them! When I was looking through all these forums I noticed one thing that stuck to me. I have no idea who they are. But they said "I'm not going to let some stupid nasty strip rule my life". Well neither am I, and out of everything, that was the strongest message I have heard. Hope it helps you too.
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Day 14. Slept decently, waking up a few times to snack on some crackers ( I have been unable to really eat for a little over a week, so when I feel like I can eat something I do it, no matter what time.) Im really starting to feel better. I'm a little weak, I lose weight really fast and am under 100, but I stocked up on Ensure drinks to help me try to keep weight up. I bought some B-12 vitamins (I'm a vegetarian so the pharmacist said it would be better for my situation. I've started a new job working outside, which I love, even if I'm still cold. I am proud of myself. I did it. I'm the type of person who takes it really hard when I fail. It's not an option. I've had a full bottle of Suboxone sitting here the whole time, and I haven't touched it. I wanted to be done so bad. I've done this before. I had clean time. I remember how good it feels when it's all said and done. I keep telling myself three things. 1) I've come this far, it was not for nothing. If I go back now I'll never make it. 2) It will feel so good this summer to wake up, NOT have to take anything. I'm not going to start getting anxious and such when I'm supposed to take my dose. My world revolved around it. I based everything on making sure I was able to take my meds and have enough of them. Now I'm free. It's done. I'm back in control now, not the drug. 3) I have put my family through so much. Ups and downs. Poor decision making that's all over the map. They always tried to help me. There is definately some touch love, but that's what I need to push me. I'm not the kind of person that you can lightly lead me the right way or sugar coat things. I need to be out on my ass and make the personal choice to make some changes. I guess I'm what you'd call stubborn. Anyhow. I'm thankful to make it this far. The second week just flew by. And now I get to look forward to waking up tomorrow and spending Easter with my 5 year old godson and he rest of my family, without having to take a drug. I can't wait.
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Day 22. I'm getting there. I still get a lot of cold sweats and stuff like that, but I'm just going to have to let it happen. I've been alone through most of this. My fiancé hasn't really been there so it's been hard day in and day out having to encourage myself and be my own shoulder to lean on. I've been trying to spend more time with my own family. One of the most important things out of all of this is I just want to make my father proud. I want to show him I'm done trying to do things my way. All I have ever done is make things worse for myself. So this time I'm taking his advice. I won't be drinking anymore. I had a couple beers last week and it just made me feel so much worse. And because of my new heart problem I was afraid to take my Seroquel so I didn't sleep. I'm letting go and letting them help. Today I woke up and called and asked if he would have time to go running with me (something I haven't done in years but I know he was going to be happy to go). I didn't make it that far, maybe a mile and a half, but it felt good. It felt like I was working in the right direction. I bought some protein drinks and vitamins. And I'm feeling a new wave of calmness. I am still dealing with PAWS, but now I have a new way of combatting it. I guess when you go through this kind of thing, you wake up to what's really important. It's been a little over three weeks without the drugs. And already I've woken up to changes that I needed to make. Be healthier. Exercise. Get out of the house. Be a part of your own family. Physically I may still be suffering. But I feel like the mental fog is rising and I'm getting a chance to just work on being a better person, and finally surrendering to the fact that my family knows more about helping me than I think. For once I won't be so stubborn and im just going to accept their help. I don't know everything. And I don't have to be alone.
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Re: Belle (# 3)
This is why I won’t take suboxone no matter what. When I quit taking pain pills after a couple years, withdrawals are over in a week, the third night is the worst. Day 22 I am so impressed you’re sticking with it. Every time I stopped taking pain meds I always did it when I had some left. I wanted to have some in case of emergency but it also made me feel like a bad ass to have them and not take them. I hope you’re still doing ok.