Tired And Frustrated After Two Decades

At age 30, my life was "normal." A good job, a few friends, and I was able to take care of myself. Suit and tie at work and afterwards: ran, hit the gym, or Tae Kwon Do class. I fought anxiety, OCD, and depression all of my life. Tried every OTC supplement, yoga, acupuncture, etc. and nothing helped, except alcohol gave me temporary relief on the weekends. Anyway, I Entered a mental health facility two decades ago and my life quickly became so much worse I found myself in a hole so deep that now, two decades later, I barely function at all. Initially, the anxiety and OCD were replaced by a depression so dark, that I started to long for it to be over every day. My dreams were horrid. When the mental depression seemed to lose some of its steam, I started to develop severe physical pain. Changing psychiatrists has been a nightmare over the years. I've recently broached the subject of Euthanasia with my psychiatrist. I mentioned this topic once over the phone to his staff and they sent the EMT and the police to my house. The instructions were to take me to the local hospital and not the hospital in the town where he works and where my records are. The local hospital is basically an emergency room. Two years ago, I went through withdrawal from taking six 10/500 Lortab for over two years. I told my psychiatrist about my pain and he ignored me. My family doctor gave me the pain pills and I am sure the saved my life. I was in horrible pain. If not for a very supportive family, I'm sure I would be dead. Death, done right, is not that bad. You just go unconscience or go to sleep. I've been under anesthesia and I've been in situations where I've seen a properly applied chokehold knock someone out in about six seconds. My point being the "suffering" mentally ill patients endure. And I don't care what any linguist or therapist has to say until they have experienced a pain so severe you think you can't make it another second but somehow you make it for months. This pain occurred from the withdrawal from the opiates. This pain was physical and was in my stomach. However, mental illness is the same. At times, the clock stops. I only have the family I was born into. My siblings have their own families. My hope has run out. I think the work being done with intranasal ketamine shows promise but my Mom is dying and she was the only person who really tied me to this world. She is alive, right now. I would love to get better while she is alive. I've taken every medicine, tried many therapies, everything except VNS and DBS. I used to run four miles every other day. However, due to pain, I stopped all exercising four years ago. I know there are others who have walked in my shoes. The drug companies call us annuities. The system is broken. I can't fix it. My hope has never been lower. Unless you are psychotic, my suggestion to everyone would be to never take a mind altering drug that requires a prescription. I lost control of my life when I started taking drugs prescribed by psychiatrists. I've never understood how a psychiatrist can withhold writing a prescription if you can't make it to your monthly appointment? I know in every other profession, they write the prescription if you are on chronic medication. And since I am on disability, I have been treated as a "lesser" by physicians and all the way down to staff. I think this is more of a statement on society. I would love to be euthanized in a manner by which my body organs could be donated to those who want to live. Society will have to deal with this issue at some point. I like when people talk about "takers" and "makers." I hate to tell Mitt Romney but the USA doesn't make much of anything anymore. And I don't think investment bankers make anything at all. They usually destroy companies, fire people, rob overfunded pensions, and play golf or run for political office. I'm not saying they don't work very hard at times. I'm just saying the work they do destroys this country and ultimately requires a taxpayer funded bailout. The current system is very similar to the one that existed in 1929. I am very depressed. I fully believe we are on the cusp of an economic depression. Even as recently as a month ago, Greenspan even admitted he was wrong and said the banks are still treacherously overleveraged. Anyway, anyone know of anything in the pipeline or some novel way of treating my comorbid conditions.

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Hi there Hondo: Depression is a terrible disease, a disease that a Physician has to give you something for it. As well, please start thinking better of yourself. Where is that 30yr. old hiding today. Yes the Physciatrists' and others' screwed your head up however you have to fix it. When you get to your low points, go and do something that you would have done earlier. When your up, Super! Please try and come to a happy medium. Your mother would be so hurt is you just committed suicide, I'm sure you know this. Even if you could find a proper Council to talk with you. Tell them about your thoughts, anxieties, everything. Yes earlier on you were in a dark hole only b/c of the wrong treatment. Please speak to someone and get the right treatment that will bring you forward, not backwards. You are a wonderful person who has been duped by Dr's. Take a look in the mirror and tell yourself I am a good person, I do want to live, I can be contructive. Please do not think negative, bring that positive person back to square one. You can do it, have faith in yourself. At the age of 30 you were there. Take yourself back to that time. You are worthy, you are a wonderful person, someone who wants to succeed but just needs that little push to do it. Your mother would be so proud to have you back, I'm sure you can see that in her features in her face. Do this for her, but also do it for you. You are WORTHY!

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Hondo - try yoga. Will regularize your body, balance adrenals, etc., and after some time moderate and correct your depression. Multiple studies on this (effect on depression).

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