Prescription Withdrawals

Several years ago, my doctor put me on adderall, and I loved it. I was able to get everything completed, with energy to spare. I lost weight, and life felt amazing. After FIVE years of taking it everyday, he took me off of it. I'd never been diagnosed with ADHD but because of the symptoms I'd been having, (I was trying to finish a novel, and I couldn't, I was scattered, disorganized, and my life was out of control. I thought I just needed a mood stabilizer, or antidepressants... I didn't know about adderall at that time) he said that would work. And it did. But my doctor had to go before a review or something I never understood, and because this was during the adderall craze, he had to take me off them or lose his license because I hadn't been actually diagnosed with ADHD. But the reason was because when I was a child (70's) they didn't do that like they do today. I was always in trouble for talking all the time, not sitting in my seat, and my grades were never what they should have been. Instead of medicine, I got spankings. But my doctor said there was nothing he could do, so after 5 years of a medicine as strong as that, I was on my own. The withdrawals were so bad, I thought I was going to die. He didn't give me anything to help the withdrawals, and I felt like I had the flu, followed by a depression like I had never felt. I was finally given an antidepressant but that did nothing. Prior to this, I'd never been on any medicine, so I didn't understand the feeling of needing something so much it took over my life. I actually lost a year of my life because I never felt the same. When I was on the medicine, I had written several novels and that was the only reason I still had a place to live. Because after the physical withdrawals left my system, I still had mental withdrawals. I tried to get over it, but nothing helped. I took vitamins, I tried to get outside, but all I could do was cry. I was terrified of seeing people, because conversations were painful. I couldn't write anymore because I couldn't concentrate long enough. Nothing was fun, and to make things worse, I gained weight. A lot at a rapid speed. Someone suggested I go to a weight loss clinic (how nice of them to point out the obvious). But I thought it might help. I saw a doctor and he put me on Phendimetrazine. Just these little yellow pills that were so tiny I thought it was a joke. But I took them anyway. And I started getting energy that I didn't think I'd ever get again. I felt a good feeling all over. I still wasn't able to sit and write, or do anything that helped with concentration, but I felt ALIVE. I started a new job, and my house is clean, and I'm socializing, and my weight is much better. I've been on this medicine for almost 3 years, and I have to go back every month to get a new prescription. I live in fear he's going to take me off them. Every month, I'm shaky until I have the prescription in my hands. I'm scared to lose too much weight because he could take me off because that's the point, but I'm scared if I go months without losing any, he's going to take me off them anyway. So far I've just gotten by because I told him I've seemed to reach a plateau, and with my age, it'll take time. But again, I'm completely addicted. I don't overtake them, and honestly, I don't want to get off them. I went 2 days without them to see how bad it would be, and I slept two days and my anger was out of control. I took my medicine and I was fine. That's when I started worrying about the withdrawals because I won't live through that again. The lovely person who told me about the clinic said when she got off them, she had to go into rehab. Her husband made her get off them. But she walks around looking depressed and big as a house. I don't want to get off this medicine. I'm scared because the as soon as I need something like this, it gets taken away. I'm not even the same person I was before I took the adderall. I'm just living my life, and it's good as long as I can take the medicine. But if he ever takes me off them, and I NEVER get them again, what do I do? I can't afford rehab. I know I'm worrying before it's even happened, but I need a plan just in case. I feel guilty about putting myself in this situation, but the adderall helped me get published. Now I'm not even aspiring to do that. I just want to live my life, and take my medicine and yet the terror of not having it seizes me every month.

Can anyone relate to this? I feel like I'm the only person who would get addicted to this degree over medicine I'd never heard of before. And what scares me the most, the days I don't take it ...I can't leave the house... just like before. I feel like I'm walking in a fog. But when I take it, I'm fine. What is the matter with me?! Why can't I just love coffee? Why can't I be normal?!

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REPORT

Someone who was hooked on coffee and drank it every day would feel the same as you did the days you didn't take your medication.

Perhaps you'll feel better if it's explained that there is a difference between addiction and your body just being dependent on something. Your body will get used to anything that you ingest regularly for a long period of time, from your morning coffee to a medication and it is completely normal to experience some withdrawal effects, but they are generally not severe, dangerous withdrawals as such that can occur, when one is an addict.

Addiction occurs when someone likes how a medication makes them feel and, since such feelings are usually side effects that go away over time, they have to keep taking more and more, abusing the medication, to get those feelings and sensations back. You can read more about the distinctions in the information provided by the FDA and the NIH.

Thus, the point of my response is to tell you that you ARE normal. This stuff happens to all of us. I'm a heart patient and had to go to the ER yesterday, due to severe cough and congestion that was getting worse and my own doctor couldn't fit me in until next week, but while there, I was late for taking my blood pressure medication and my levels went fairly high, so did my heart rate... that coupled with being sick, means that it was completely normal for that to happen and even the doctor wasn't worried, when I told her that I was late for my next dose. I came home, took my medication, took my night dose and checked my readings this morning and all was back to normal levels. :-)

I hope I've helped. Do you have any other questions or concerns?

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I totally understand, im in the same boat just different meficines.I know i cant survive this

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