Losing All Hope

Hello Internet world—I'm afraid I am on the edge.

I have no idea what is wrong with me anymore. I'm a 22 year old healthy female, and I'm afraid my mood swings and depression are worse than ever before. My boyfriend of two years seems more distant than ever, and I think it is all my fault.

I am normally the most laid-back, happy, goofiest person I know, I eat healthy, exercise regularly and have a low-stress job and lifestyle. I live on my own and support myself completely. My problem is during the 1-2 weeks before my period I turn into an absolute nightmare. My mom, best friend, and boyfriend all know exactly when it happens and say I become a completely different person. During those days I can not make myself happy no matter how hard I try, I pick apart my relationship to death and hone in on all of the bad and forget about all of the thoughtful wonderful things my boyfriend has done for me these past years. All I can think about is how mean, selfish, or arrogant he is, but I know that this really isn't true at all. During those days I also hate my job, feel like my career is at a dead end, and feel completely useless and ugly inside and out. It hasn't made a difference that I know it's coming, during that time I feel like all those feelings of anger and depression and self-hate are real. But a few days into my period, it's like the fog clears and I look back at all the horrible out bursts and and the metaphorical bloody bodies strewn across the battle field that I tore apart and then get even more depressed, and embarrassed about what I said or did. I spend half my work day hiding in the bathrooms balling thinking no one should have to or would ever want to deal with someone like me for the rest of their life, and think about ending my relationship for his sake.

I tried an IUD (Mirena) But it was so painful and my periods were unbearable. (I bled through to my mattress every night). I was on Ortho Tri- Cyclin Lo, but have been hormone free for about 3 month now because I thought going off the birth control would help. Unfortunately nothing has really changed. I finally went to a doctor, but I feel so embarrassed about everything it's really hard for me to talk about. I'd be even more embarrassed if someone put me on anti-depressants. The doctor I went to prescribed Loestrin 1/20 for me to start taking today because she said I must just have a hormonal imbalance, and that I just have to keep trying different pills and hormone combinations until I find one that works for me. Is this even true? I try to look back on the last time I was happy, and it was after I was hormone free for quite some time. But it's been three months and no changes. This past month was the worst one yet. I feel like switching on and off different pills and hormones is the worst thing I could do. Is there any way to test for hormone imbalance? Could this be something else? I feel like if I don't get help, I'll lose everyone close to me to this problem.

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Yes, there are ways they can test for a hormonal imbalance. You can see a gynecologist or an endocrinologist. The most reliable testing method is via mouth swab and one should be done several times throughout the month, so the precise levels of your hormones can be pinpointed accurately.

However, my question is have you tried any natural supplements or products to help?

In cases such as yours, many doctors just play the guessing game, as yours is doing and they just want you to keep trying various prescription hormonal combinations until you find the right one….and typically, they just assume that you're low in estrogen.

However, it is much more common for these types of symptoms to be caused by your being estrogen dominant and not producing enough Progesterone.

The synthetic prescription hormones can cause all kinds of problematic side effects, such as you've experienced with the Mirena IUD and they can be dangerous to take, but the natural ones are generally considered much safer. (The heavy bleeding is something that's quite often considered a symptom of estrogen dominance.)

There are over the counter Progesterone creams that are derived from plant sources that are much safer to use and are available in most health or vitamin shops.

Of course, you should double check with your doctor, to make sure that it's safe for you to try, but in most cases, it's worth a shot, before resorting to more prescribed synthetic hormones.

Now, for the first few weeks, just as with taking the ones you get via prescription, you may feel horrible for awhile, while the hormones balance back out, but if it is working, you'll likely find yourself slowly starting to feel better after the first month or so of use.

Most of these creams tell you to use them for 2 weeks before your menstrual cycle, then to take a break for two weeks, but with such severe symptoms, you may want to talk to your doctor about using it continuously for the first few months.

You may also find a good naturopath to be of tremendous help, they are often more experienced in this area than many doctors and have helped women deal with such issues for many, many years.

Additionally, the over the counter supplement Ashwagandha can help with the emotional fluctuations you've been experiencing. As I said, check with your doctor to make sure trying such things is safe for you, but it has been proven to help with anxiety and mood swings. There are people that have found it to work better for them than any prescription anxiolytic or antidepressant that they've tried.

Black cohosh and evening primrose have also been shown to help with hormonal fluctuations and the extra bonus to evening primrose is that it's usually fantastic for your skin!

I hate to see anyone going through this, as a fellow woman, I know exactly how awful it is, so if you have any other questions or need any other ideas you can explore with your doctor, feel free to ask! :-)

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