Fentanyl Horror

Hi, I have been on Fentanyl (Durogesic) about 8yrs. I started at 25mcg ended up to 100mcg every 48hrs. I have numerous chronic pain conditions. I had Glandular Fever then a few months later Ross River Fever (from a mosquito) I ended up with fibromyalgia and Chronic fatigue. I then had a work accident and had surgery to repair torn tendons in my shoulder. During surgery I had a stroke. Apparently there was no oxygen in the lines and this caused stroke. Things went downhill quickly from there. 56 ischemic strokes, a large cerebral aneurysm that required life saving surgery, a couple of smaller aneurysms that burst, I already had degenerative spine which got to the point I now have ruptured and bulging discs (ranging from neck to lumbar) and neuralgia in neck and jaw from the brain surgery. Arthritis and calcific tendinitis in hips, shoulders, knees, hands the list goes on. I tried everything I could find for my pain including alternative methods. It cost a fortune with no effect. I was sent to a pain specialist who literally saved my life. I went from taking lots of panadeine forte (paracetamol/codeine) tramadol and anti inflammatories, to being put on 60mg oxycontin 3 times a day. This helped for a short while but was put on Durogesic patches and 25mg slow release oxycontin 3 times a day. Durogesic increased to 100mcg and 10mg oxycontin 3 times a day when needed for breakthrough pain. Ive been on this for 8yrs now. I hate it. I decided a long time ago that I needed to get off the fentanyl roller coaster. Not easy. I was never told of the withdrawals. I was told id have to be on meds for the rest of my life but I can't stand it. I am so fatigued, cant think straight and couldn't tell you the last time I found something funny, I have no personality and no friends. I weigh 100lbs can hardly eat and im still in considerable pain. Started having hot flushes and chills that left me exhausted and withdrawals anyway. Tried weaning off a few times but the effects were unbearable. Was told I needed to go up in dosage not come off it but refused.
I decided I needed to 'suck it up and just do it. I am 1 month in and down to about 42 mcg every 48hrs. I have done it by tapering my patches. I have cut a little off each change. I do not have the gel patches and was told by dr I could safely cut them. I have not told my specialist that I am weaning. He wont approve. So far I've been relatively ok only having mild symptoms until 4 days ago. I have been having yuk withdrawals. Nausea, anxiety all over my body with sweats, so fatigued yet dont sleep at night, stomach cramps and aching joints. I dont understand why I was doing so well and then withdrawals got so bad all of a sudden. Ive been emotional and just want it to end. The only thing I've used to help is the 10mg oxycontin when I need it. No more than 3 per day though. I feel like crap. I can't stop now though. I still have a long way to go. Why don't they tell you how bad it is. I can't take much more, I barely cope with the pain let alone all this..has anyone been successful getting off this nightmare drug?

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