Disappearing Suboxone Doctor

My doctor has disappeared. He went out in March. At the March appointment I got two scripts for three a day (regular dose is two a day) one to fill that day and another to fill April 17 to cover up to June 17th. There was no rx for May and I stupidly did not start looking for new doctor because I trusted this doctor and had been going to him for over 2 years. The day before the June 17 appointment he calls, says he could not keep the appointment. At that time, I had a few left and told him that and it was “I don't know what to tell you and hung up”. I got into see someone a few Saturdays ago and they knew my situation and agreed to not make me start over and instead start right off treating monthly if I had printout from pharmacy saying that I had been on it. The doctor took $300 (supposed to be $225 but I did not have luck finding anyone else so I paid it) as soon as I went into the office. Hours later told me I had to come back four more times at $300 apiece and then every other week for another month at $300 apiece (so it would total around 1800 for evaluation, testing, etcetera). I was in shock and stated that I was told $225 for everything because I was established if I had a clean drug test. The doctor claims that she did not authorize that and that I had talked to someone from her office that was not authorized to say that. I recognized her voice by the accent and she had introduced herself on the phone. I cannot afford that, said that, and asked for my paper work back along with my $300. She refused to give it back. She had also when I first got there took insurance card to pay for drug screening test (which I was told would be added into the $225 and I found out she submitted a bill to the insurance for visit as well). I told her I could not afford that and when I said that she was like "you would if it was your drug of choice" and you would find a way to come back and forth for your drugs (over hour away). The doctor also has another office and she told me that she charges less there because the demand is lower. She does not want to help others and is in it for the money. She is taking advantage of addicts and I know she can charge whatever she wants but to charge more because there is not as many options in my area just makes me sick to my stomach and I am so lost. Not having a script filled in May is making it hard to find help and I cannot get records from previous doctor who is not returning calls. When I was at the office before I found out about how much it would cost she was rude and kept making me go out each time one of her established patients showed up which was frustrating to me because I had an appoint me and paid for that appointment already. It took 4 hours to find out she wanted records from my previous doctor that she knew was not answering his phone. On the phone all I was told was to bring a printout from pharmacy which I had to drive an hour in the opposite direction to get and that would show dosage and dates and other information which would circumvent the need to talk to my old doctor or see his records. I was so devastated I started to cry and she treated me even worse at that point stating if my recovery was that important I would pay what she wanted. My recovery is important to me and seeking treatment shows that in my opinion. It is sad that there are doctors out there taking advantage of addicts. If I had, any other disease the doctor would accept insurance and not just cash It amazes me how easy it is to get prescription painkillers that cause addiction and getting treatment is so difficult. I do not know what to do. I had a few extras and that has gotten me through until now but I will be out soon and have no idea what to do. Painkillers, heroin, and more can be easily obtained but treatment is another story and people wonder why there are so many addicts. Where I live, prescription drugs and heroin are huge problems and it is a small town.
I wouldn't of sought the treatment to begin if I could stay clean and now no matter how much I tell myself I will stay clean I am already dreading the withdrawal. Two years of not using has led me back to square one wanting help but not being able to get it. Because my old doctor wrote the two scripts for March and April I have nothing from May, which makes it look like, I quit treatment in May. I cannot prove I have been on it straight through. The doctor I saw tested for it and it was in my system, which she claimed could have been from using what I got off the streets even though I had paperwork from pharmacy, the container from the last script I filled in April, and the packages the films came in. I am so upset and what makes it worse where I live there is one doctor in town with a huge waiting list. I know many of his patients and others who are on suboxone from other doctors sell their whole scripts each month to pay for their drug of choice. The ones who were going to the other doctor (where I was originally) started calling as soon as the other doctor said he was going out which gave them each 2 scripts (3 a day instead of two to cover May) from first sub doctor and another for the month of May from new doctor. I didn't do that because I thought it would be wrong to get an extra month of subs. April script gave 84 Mays script also gave 84 equaling 168 altogether divided by 3 is 56 a month which is what I had and I have had made stretch and they received the 168 plus another 56 = 224. I guess I should've done that but I thought it would be wrong and trusted the doctor would be back for appointments as he promised he wouldn't leave us hanging but he did and now I am in this position with no idea what I am going to do. It drives me crazy that many of the people I know sell script and those like me who really are serious about our recovery cannot always get into a doctor.
I was always looking for drugs or worried about where I would be able to get some, and what would happen if I ran out. Before getting on Suboxone, I had two failed attempts at sobriety and was so grateful that I was able to find help and break the cycle of letting drugs control my life. I used to reach for phone as soon as I got up and started texting people to get pills. If I had none to wake up to, I would not be able to sleep. I hated it and myself for letting myself get into this position to begin with. What I am going through right now reminds me of that low point in my life because trying to get help and worrying what I am going to do once again is dominating thoughts. When I stopped using, I promised I would never put myself in that position again. Suboxone saved my life and allowed me to get my life back on track.
In other attempts to quit, I was miserable and went through horrible withdrawals that even after a few weeks I still felt horrible. I could not eat, sleep, restlessness (especially legs), no energy, no ambition, and more. I tried everything nothing helped and it was affecting my job so someone I worked with gave me a vicodin (she knew I was in withdrawal and stated it helped her sister who was drug free)and because I had been clean thought I could use occasionally but I was really wrong and the cycle began again. I am really fortunate to have an amazing husband who supported me and would go with me each month and wait (sometimes a few hours as my doc was always running behind) and would even take me to group (held at doctor office) each week and waited an hour for me to be done. It has been hard the past few weeks as I have taken myself from two 8 mg strips a day to cutting each strip into 8 pieces and do not take any more than two of these 8 pieces a day sometimes just one.
I need a doctor but no one has any openings. The laws for prescribing suboxone are ridiculous. Anyone can get a script for the pills they are selling or abusing. I could walk into any emergency or walk in center and get a script for painkillers but I cannot get suboxone because the restrictions it drives me crazy as I know many people sell their suboxone for $20 each strip and I cannot even get into a doctor. I have has one on one and group counseling and go to AA (recovering alcoholic as well ), and NA whenever I can and take my suboxone as prescribed The law restricts who can prescribe and how many patients they can have and I really believe the restrictions should be based on the patient. Random screenings and random counts are needed more that the restrictions placed on doctors. It has been rough cutting down and I wait to take my first 1/8th until I really need it but I am going to run out in a day or two. The low doses reduce the intensity of the withdrawal symptoms but do not take care of it completely. My legs constantly hurt (uncomfortable restless legs) and I cannot sleep. This law about who can prescribe is nonsense when any doctor can prescribe painkillers that are highly addictive even knowing this the laws restricts the number of people who can get help. Sometimes I wonder if it is a conspiracy and the laws are in place so the big pharmaceutical companies and lawmakers keep making money from the sale of prescription pain killers because I just cannot understand why there are so many restrictions. I try not to feel sorry for myself and try not to let anxiety get the best of me but I am not always successful.
As I read stories, talk to others, and have been surprised that this has happened to others with a doctor who stopped prescribing with no notice. I am so upset, frustrated, and angry and cannot believe that lawmakers would cause people with addiction to go without needed treatment with all the restrictions. If I went to a doctor and found out I had a disease I would not be denied treatment and my medication would be given without a problem. The lawmakers allow doctors to take advantage of addicts who really want treatment and then warn about dangers of addiction. Instead of making treatment, readily available painkillers are given without a problem and instead of ensuring that the person is using that medication as prescribed and is not abusing it or selling it all the restrictions are placed on treatment. It comes down to this if we want treatment we should be prepared to pay ridiculous amounts of money. I cannot help but wonder how many people are in the same position and keep using because finding treatment is almost impossible and expensive. Thanks for taking the time to read this and I apologize for its length.

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